Have you ever felt lost? Lost to the point that you feel as if you don’t know who you are. To the point that you question everything around you, especially the things you once believed. If you’re not brave enough to admit it, then I’ll take that step forward.
Over the past three years everything around me has become unfamiliar. If you’ve read my previous posts you’d know that I’ve been through a heartbreaking situation that changed my whole life, luckily the pain subsided. Everything around me still sometimes seem foreign. My whole identity was attached to other people. My identity and image was created by other people’s thoughts, opinions, and beliefs of how I should be. I valued their opinions over my own. I made their perceptions my reality.
Luckily, I thought I began to find my voice. I was on a path to becoming happy and choosing my own values and beliefs. But, somewhere on that journey, I ventured off again. I let my fears of repeating past situations replay in my mind over and over. It scared me. It made me engage in bad habits. I began isolating myself from others. I declined numerous invites by friends and family. I started ignoring phone calls and text messages. I tried shielding myself from the outside world, protecting myself from becoming close to people and facing disappointments. However, it only put me deeper into the hole that I was already sinking in.
I didn’t like what my life was becoming. It literally became going to work and coming back home. I prayed and prayed, but nothing seemed to changed. It wasn’t until I had a moment with myself and God that I realized, I had to stop waiting for a change and to get up and make a change.
I began reevaluating my life and the things that weighed me down. I started stepping back from things that no longer served me, so that I can focus on me and where I want to go in life. Even though it’s still a work in progress, I’ve taken small steps to getting closer to my end goal which is true happiness.
I got back to writing and expressing myself…
I mended a few broken relationships…..
I got back into the gym…..
I started opening up more…..
I began reading more….
The journey still isn’t any easier, but I know that with faith, patience, hard-work, and dedication, I will get to the ultimate goal of true genuine happiness.