New date, but yet it’s the same old thing. Is there any freshness to this whole dating game? I feel like I’m writing the same story all over again. It’s just becoming so bland with the typical “get to know you” questions. What do you do for a living? What’s your favorite color? What do you like to do for fun? All of this has become so mundane.
I want to go beyond that. Let’s talk about our greatest fears. Let’s talk about our dreams. Let’s talk about the things that had us at our lowest points that we learned to overcome. These are things that draws me closer to a person. However, in this generation it scares people away. It’s like people are afraid of being vulnerable and transparent. I have my moments as well, but I’m rarely apprehensive to letting someone see the raw version of myself. Is this too much to ask for nowadays?
Maybe I’m not cut out for this day and age. Many people are enthused and charmed by materialistic things and the “cute” sides to a person. But me on the otherhand hand, I want to understand and accept the darkest sides to a person. I want to know all of their past hurt. I want to know their flaws. I want to know their most deepest and hidden secrets. And in reality, it’s hard to get there because everyone seems so guarded. It seems as if the deeper I want to go I find myself being more and more disappointed.
In all my years of living, I’ve experienced one deep connection. And sadly, I didn’t realize how deep it was until it ended. At that time, I was young and didn’t understand myself or the type of connection that my soul needed. In hindsight, my soul was being fulfilled, but yet I was oblivious to it all. Now that I’ve evolved into a greater sense of awareness, I’ve been searching time and time again for that deep feeling of connection.
Sometimes I feel like I’m somewhat of a blockage. I feel like I subconsciously self-sabotage when I get bored or when I feel like there’s still something missing. And honestly, I could be a part of the problem as well. But whatever the real problem is, I know that I would hate to leave this world and not experience the type of connection that I’d like to feel.
They say that in order to truly connect with others, you have to start from within. And trust me, I’m working on it. However, it becomes difficult when you know exactly what you want to feel and there’s roadblocks all around. Maybe one day I’ll finally find a detour and get to exactly where I want to be, and hopefully make the feeling a reality. But until then, I’ll continue to pray and have faith that this journey will all make sense one day.
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